freedom is free to you and me

Have you ever had something on you that you just couldn’t shake? Nothing physical really, but something you have carried with you and struggled to move from.  Forgiveness is something that I have fought with going on the past two years. It made my heart cold and hard. Whenever I was broken, I put the pieces of myself back together in all the wrong ways. I was not the same as I was before; I had changed. The hatred and anger I had inside of me was like a disease I carried, and it affected everything I did.  I was free from everything toxic, but I would not allow myself to fully accept this new freedom.

It is utterly exhausting carrying something like that with you for so long, unable to let go and be free. I had talked it into the ground. Constantly digging it back up and trying to bring it back to life. I had gone to the alter with this on my shoulders, but I always picked it back up before I returned to my seat. I spent numerous nights praying and asking Jesus to take this away from me. I was tired of feeling this way. However, recently something has changed in me, and I’d love to share.

I like to think with age, you grow more mature. Of course this isn’t always the case. When I was younger, my favorite time of year was summer. Now with more wisdom and maturity, my seasonal love have shifted to fall. I amuse myself on a regular basis, do not be fooled.

But, anyway. Back to fall. Fall is just around the corner right. Bonfires, flannel shirts (my fav), the fair, football season–you’re following me. Something that also comes along with fall, is Halloween and pumpkin carving and all those especially fun activities. Whenever you carve a pumpkin, before you do the actual sculpting of the face, you have to take out all of the nasty stuff on the inside. Now, this is a vital step in the pumpkin carving process, because if you leave some stuff in there-your figure will be distorted in the dark and no one will be able to see what you’ve created. After all of that is out, then you can begin your art.

This might sound silly, but Jesus has shown me that I’m that pumpkin. I cannot get this image out of my head, and I’ve carved maybe two pumpkins in my entire lifetime. Right now, He is getting all of the nasty stuff out (unforgiveness).

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!            2 Corinthians 5:17

I’m loving that exclamation point because it is definitely exciting news. I chose this verse because the person that was broken and tried to put the pieces back together in the wrong ways, is gone. Earlier I typed “going on” and kept it, but struck through it to emphasize that it is no longer a continuous thing. I trust God because I know that whenever He finishes taking out all of the stuff that holds me back from doing His work, that I’ll be sculpted into a new person. Through Him, I am new again.

Whatever is holding you back, release it, shake it off, hit the Quan it off. Whatever you prefer, just do it. Accept freedom through Him, go carve a pumpkin because it’s you, too.

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Update on life–nothing huge, still cool though

Wow, what a stressful and overwhelming two weeks it has been. So, I just began the BSN program at my university after two, long years of prerequisite core classes. And as I’m sitting in the classrooms, the feeling still feels so surreal. How did I accomplish such an awesome thing? What have a done so wonderful in my life to deserve this seat? I cannot give you the answers to those questions, but I can tell you how overwhelmingly thankful I am. I’ve been super anxious to write about my experience and feelings, but the time hasn’t been right.

So of course, I’ve been told some pretty scary stories about nursing school, and unfortunately, they are true for the most part. It’s extremely intimidating, you question yourself on an hourly basis, and studying becomes more important than sleeping and eating.

However, when you know this is where you are supposed to be in life, nothing else matters. The stress will try and consume you, and you will question yourself regularly–but it’s unable to control and distort you.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had bumps and U-turns and a couple of crashes along the way, but they have all led me exactly where I am supposed to be. That is why I am overwhelmed with happiness and I am beyond grateful for the opportunities lying ahead of me.

Once again, I’ll leave you with this verse. Jeremiah 29:11- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” If you don’t believe it, I’m proof!

P.S. Keep me in your thoughts. I might be saving your life one day😉

Mondays…

Everyone has such negative things to say about the beginning of the week. Everything seems to go wrong on these days. I guess maybe it’s because we aren’t back in our routine from the weekend, or we just simply don’t want to be back.

I’m not going to lie and tell you that my Monday was fabulous, because it was far from it. When I took off to class, it started pouring rain. I got my umbrella ready to go and cut my finger pretty deep somehow??? I’m not sure. My new shoes got soaked. My Waffle House disappointed me tonight, and there’s this constant stressor lurking behind me with nursing school breathing down my neck like a fire-breathing dragon ready to burn me. (This new chapter of my life is utterly terrifying, but we’ll save that for later.) However, throughout the day, I’ve kept coming across this quote on Facebook and it’s never left my mind:

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How relieving is that?! As soon as I lay my head down tonight, this bad day will be over and a brand new day will begin again. I won’t even have to remember that day again if I chose not to; it’ll be buried in my past. The sun will shine, my cut will heal, my shoes will dry, and I’ll eat Waffle House again with no disappointments. Eventually, I’ll start nursing school and it’ll become the most important and fulfilling years of my life. I say all this to say this… Have you ever thought about how this is what happens when Jesus washes all our sins away?

Okay, if you haven’t read Jesus>Religion by Jefferson Bethke PLEASE DO IT NOW.

Jesus takes me with my cut finger, my wet shoes, my fears, my dark secrets, my filth and he hugs me. He doesn’t wait on me to dry off and to clean up; he hugs me and he puts the dirt on himself. Bethke talks about this and another pastor in his book who beautifully says “The cross was Jesus’ way of saying, ‘Me too.'”  sooooo… *tears*

He loves me on my bad days and my good days and my mediocre days. And there’s more…. He loves you, too! Maybe this made your Monday a little brighter. xo

Soft Smiles

Well, I guess this is considered my first official blog post. 26 July 2015 starting at 10:30 p.m. And to start off, I would like to talk about happiness. Not the kind that lasts for a full day or maybe even a week, I’m talking about genuine happiness that lasts an entire lifetime. Lots of things make me happy; cats, new clothes, the beach. However in reality, cats scratch, new clothes become old, and the beach…well the beach is awesome all the time, but I feel like you are following me on this. These things are all temporary, only there and only satisfying for a season. They can fill you up for a period of time, only to leave you empty just as quickly. When I chase these temporary things searching for that one happiness, and then it’s gone again, I reflect and realize all the time I wasted. I am so guilty of looking in all the wrong places, then I’m hollow again. This forever happiness, the real deal, the unchanging, this fullness I’m speaking about is Jesus Christ. Nothing has ever made me feel as free and loved as Jesus does. Stop searching. Well, I suppose this concludes my first post, and my late night thoughts are now typed and out of my head. However, I would like to leave with this…

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 — nothing surprises him

There’s a million other things I could say, but I’ll save them for a later date🙂